She Said Yes
by jaxsforever
Summary: He thought he asked a simple question…but he never imagined Tara Knowles would give him a simple answer. I always wondered what would of happened if Tara had said yes instead of not answering when Jax asked her during season 1 if she loved him. I wondered if Jax was relieved or sad that Tara responded with "it's not a simple answer". This is just one version of his reaction
1. Chapter 1

She Said Yes

Summary: He thought he asked a simple question…but he never imagined Tara Knowles would give him a simple answer. I always wondered what would of happened if Tara had said yes instead of not answering when Jax asked her during season 1 if she loved him. I wondered if Jax was relieved or sad that Tara responded with "it's not a simple answer". This is just one version of his possible response to her saying yes.

This is my very first time writing for fanfiction so I welcome all feedback, but please be respectful. I'm doing this for fun and hopefully at least one of you will enjoy it. Happy reading…

"Your mom says I have to end this, that whatever were doing here can't work."

"Do you believe her?"

"What is this? I mean is it just about the Kohn thing? What do you want?"

"I want you to stop listening to my crazy mom and get some sleep"

"We can't keep looking the other way, we need to think about this. What the hell are we doing?"

"Do you love me?" After a few moments of intense silence Jax adds "it's a simple question babe"

Tara's green eyes locked with Jax' blue ones and she took a deep breath, saying the answer she has known to be fact since she first said it at 16. "Yes I love you, more than you can imagine. I can't remember a time not loving you. The wind was knocked out of Jax, the words he had prayed for over 10 years to hear again from the only women he had ever loved had just come out of her beautiful mouth. But now he wasn't sure what to do with those words. He knew he loved her but his life was so fucked up at the moment. He wanted more than anything to reach out for her and kiss her deeply and profess his love too, but he was frozen. He and Tara knew each other so well he really thought she would know that right now was a confusing time and that they would both need time to process.

I stood there looking at Jax waiting on some reply or bodily response. I expected him to grab me up in his arms and tell me of his undying love for me, but sadly there was nothing. I thought maybe he didn't hear me or maybe he needed to hear more to believe my words. After all I had left him once, maybe he worried I would be able to easily leave this time. I know this is a confusing time for him but I want to believe with all my heart he still loves me the way he loved me all those years ago. The way I have never stopped loving him.

I continued to stare into his eyes, the eyes I have dreamt of looking at every night for the last 10 years. "Jax, yes I love you, I have never stopped. The relationship with Kohn was the only real one I ever tried to have. I realized that after more than 8 years I should try to forget you. I went for someone so opposite you in hopes that it would happen. I started thinking that even though I loved you with every breath I took and I never wanted anyone else, that you may have not felt the same way and maybe you had moved on. That realization tore me apart so I tried to move on too. That thought is what kept me away from Charming, from you, for so long."

"Imagine I got with a man who vowed to serve and protect and ended up being my worst nightmare. Yet the man who is feared for being an outlaw has protected me almost my whole life. You have to know Jax, I swear on everything I did not come back here for you to take care of Kohn. It's just Charming feels like home and when you feel threatened home is where you want to be. I did come back for you though, I have never stopped thinking about you and I needed to know if you felt the same. In the end it's not Kohn killing me that I feared it was the 'what if's?' that consumed my mind."

"I knew you moving on was a possibility, I just never allowed myself to believe you really would. Imagine the heartbreak I experienced coming back to find out not only were you married but you had a kid on the way. We were supposed to be married, he was supposed to be my child. Those were the promises we made to each other. I realized I had been living in a fantasy world as soon as Wendy and your son came through the hospital doors. Able looked so much like you I instantly fell in love and wanted with everything I have to help him, for you."

Thinking I may have said too much all at once and knowing I have so much more I want to, no, need to say I stopped myself. I bit on my bottom lip to try and resist the urge to continue, I needed to give him a chance to speak. I looked up at Jax with such hopeful eyes full of unshed tears. I wasn't sure what emotion he had in his eyes but I was hopeful that he would pull me into his arms and tell me how much he still loved me . He stood there completely still staring at me, no, through me. "Jax please say something." A few moments passed which felt like years and Jax finally spoke. "I have to go, I'll see you tomorrow and get some sleep. He gave me a chaste kiss on my forehead and headed out of the room and out of the house.

In the loud silence of the house the only noise I swear I hear after the closing of the door and the roaring of his bike was my heart literally breaking in a million pieces. I cried myself to sleep believing the last 4 nights was just Jax working me out of his system. In the morning I resigned myself to the belief that the last few days were just about visiting the past. That Jax must have realized he didn't still love me, all the 'what if's' have now been answered. Though my heart is shattered at least now I can try to move through my days the way I have the last 10 years. I know I need to stay to finish taking care of Able (a child who has already stolen my heart) but will move on to somewhere else after he is home with his actual family.

JPOV

Jesus Christ she said yes, she still loves me. Shit, why am I on my bike, why did I walk out? I've wanted to hear her say she loves me for 10 years and then I walked out? What the hell is wrong with me? I think when I asked if she loved me I expected to hear her to say she wasn't sure. My life is so messed up right now, it was screwed up and dangerous when she left all those years ago but it's much worse now. Shit, she said yes…

I haven't felt this good in all the time she was gone as I have this past week that she has been back with me. I haven't breathed as easy as I did the moment I saw her back. The minute I saw her my mind immediately went to everything I have been wanting to do with her. She has always been my ole lady in my mind, time nor distance has ever changed that. So why when she said yes did I get scared and walk away? Son of a bitch I fucked up. Tara probably thinks I used her or God forbid that I don't love her anymore. That couldn't be farther from the truth, I love her more now than I did then. My love for her has always been all consuming, she owns me mind, body and soul. Her coming back finding me married with a kid must have felt like such a betrayal to her yet she still loves me and wants to help my son.

This isn't how shit was supposed to happen, when Tara left I knew we both were crushed. I'm sure she felt devastated that I chose the club over her. That wasn't how I saw it though, I've always known even if she would never admit it that she was too good for me and my life. I was scared to leave Charming and have her figure it out then. What would I have done? My family here, the club would of felt betrayed if I had left. The club was my legacy, I couldn't turn my back on that. The club and my love for Tara are the only two things I have ever been sure of. So why when she said yes, telling me she loves me did I bail?

When she left I knew it was the right thing for her even if her leaving broke me. I wanted to leave so many times over the years and go to her. I wanted to tell her I loved her and needed her, hell I wanted to drag her back here. I had hoped and even prayed to whatever power was out there that she would miss me so much that she would come back. That way it would be her decision and I wouldn't have to feel self-centered. I know it was selfish thinking but I didn't want to force my life on her.

I realize now that I can be a very selfish man, why she would still love me is beyond me. Tara went away to better herself; to fulfill a dream I fully knew she had from early on in our relationship. Yet when she left we all treated her like she was a horrible person. I drowned myself in booze and pussy to try to forget her, to move on. I am so disgusted with myself at the thought of how many women I slept with. I knew by the time I had slept with more women in a few months then most guys would their whole lives that nothing would make me forget her, I only ever saw her face. That's when I should have went to her making the choice I should have made from the beginning.

Tara and I knew we were meant for each other, that we were one soul and one heart between two bodies. That shit doesn't happen every day or even for most people once in their lives. But I know it was and still is that way with us. Tara was already my ole lady and the love of my life, she was also supposed to be my wife. The only children I was ever going to have were going to be with her, I fucked that up too. I was so concerned with my own heartache, I stopped believing she may have been feeling the same.

Wendy was just a distraction, I knew that from the start so did Wendy. I never loved her, I just needed a break from all the nameless girls. I knew marrying her was a huge mistake, Jesus I needed major amounts of alcohol just to make it to and through the ceremony. When we went to my dorm room after the party at the club, I imagined Tara was who I was making love to. Wendy figured this out when I accidentally called her Tara during my orgasm. I should have felt bad and a part of me did the next day when she told me, so I tried for a while to give this marriage a go. It quickly dissolved though, Wendy was a junkie and even though she tried she couldn't stay clean. When Wendy got pregnant I hated her but hated me more for letting it happen. I didn't want a kid and I certainly didn't want one with Wendy.

My thoughts go back to Tara and how I just left her at her house after she told me she loved me. I think about all the shit she has been through. An abusive father, a psychotic ATF boyfriend, hell my overbearing mother. Then there is me, the man who loves her more than life itself, I have had my moments of treating her worst then anyone. Now I prove that point by walking out on her, Jesus I need to fix this. My head is so messed up right now I'm not sure how. But I'll fix this, I have to, I won't lose her again.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer- I do not own any of these characters, they belong to Kurt Sutter

She Said Yes

TPOV

After a night of the most awful sleep I have had since I first left Charming, left Jax, I pulled myself out of bed. The years of late night studying and interning have prepared me for little to no sleep but this was different. I cried myself to sleep and then when I awoke from the few moments of sleep I could get I continued to cry some more. I'm still confused as to what the hell happened, I never expected Jax to walk out like that.

Knowing I still need to get ready for the day I convinced myself to get up and headed in to take a shower. Looking in the mirror I winced seeing what a night of crying had done to my face. I wonder how much makeup it will take to conceal my puffy eyes and red tear stained cheeks. Just looking in the mirror, seeing someone I don't recognize, had the tears threatening to fall again. How do I face this day? How do I face Jax? Because I'm sure at this moment I will fall apart if I see him. How do I put one foot in front of the other when my reality seems to be slapping me in the face?

Jesus Tara pull yourself together, your so much stronger than this. He may be the love of your life but he is still just a man, screw him! Make a plan and move on, he certainly has; really what was I expecting? I came back to him married and with a kid, did I really think I was so special that he would up and leave all of that for me? He didn't leave with me ten years ago he sure as hell wouldn't now, not with a son. My self-pity had now turned into anger, shit this was going to be a long day. Today Tara you will go in head held high, if you see Jax you will keep it professional. I will only take care of Able when I have to, (which will be an even harder part of my day because I love spending time with him), in hopes of avoiding Jax. Once I know Able is really well I will call Chicago Presbyterian and see if I can get my job back. I will try to pull my life back together and try to never look back at that 16 year old boy I fell irreversibly in love with. It was just teenage love bullshit, the last few days have just proven to Jax he could get me back into his bed. I'm such an idiot, well never again! This time when I leave I'm taking my heart with me and never looking back.

After making my plan, showering and putting on as much makeup as possible to cover my heartache I grab my coffee and head out the door. Making my way into the hospital I see Margaret Murphey, my boss. She is the last person I want to see at this moment, only thing worse would be to see Jax or even Gemma. As if the God's, I don't particularly believe in, were against me today that's exactly who Margaret had with her. When she reached me she said "Dr. Knowles I was just about to page you about Able Teller." I quickly asked, "what is wrong with Able, has something happened?" Margaret told me that Able had a very rough night. His sleep Apnea was happening more often and his blood pressure kept dropping very low. She had paged Dr. Nameid but he has had back to back surgeries, his instruction was to page me.

Gemma, stepping up to me said "what are you planning to do doc, you need to fix this." Jax stood beside Gemma looking more broken then I have ever seen him look. I'm sure the fear of something happening to his son is taking a toll on him. Also not having his wife around to talk to about all of this, since she is in detox, he must be feeling very lost without her. If I wasn't so heartbroken right now I might care about how he is feeling, I guess bitterness is setting in. Truth be told though, I do care how he is handling this. I want the best for his son, Jax really does deserve that. God he makes me weak, I love him so much. Stay strong Tara, I reminded myself.

I looked at Gemma and Jax and said "Mr. Teller and Mrs. Teller-Morrow I will head right to Able now and see what needs to be done. I will let you know, or have someone come let you know the plan as soon as I know anything." Gemma looked shocked and stepped back taking a glance at Jax then back to me and said "what the hell with all the formality doc?" I looked at Gemma, praying my face showed no emotions that would give me away and said "this is my job, I need to check on Able." "As soon as we know anything you will be informed. Jax walked up to me and I swear I stopped breathing for a moment. He went to put his hand on my shoulder, I flinched and he pulled it back. I looked straight at him and said "as soon as I know anything Jackson" and I rushed off.

JPOV

After leaving Tara's I went for a long ride hoping to clear my head, when that didn't work I went back to the club house. I grabbed a bottle of Jack and the nearest croweater, like that would solve my problems, but you do what you know. Once we were back in my dorm room I locked the door and looked at, whatever her name was (I really didn't give a shit), on her knees waiting to service me and my needs. Before even unzipping my pants I realized that the club house wasn't where I need to be. This is what I always turned to while Tara was gone and it never helped and it sure as hell won't now. Taking one last look at the croweater before me I felt disgusted with myself and said "get out". She stared at me like I had lost my mind, when she didn't move I threw the bottle of whiskey at the wall and screamed "GET OUT!"

When I was finally alone in my room I laid in my bed, maybe it was just the want I have for her but I swear I can still smell Tara on my pillow. I actually cried, and not just for walking out on her a little bit ago but for letting her walk out of my life 10 years ago. For not being the man she deserves, or for being the man she believes I could be. I cried for Able, for not giving him the mom, or life he surely deserves; and for all the mistakes I have made and continue to make. Once I finished crying I ran my hand over my face and sat up trying to figure out where to go next, what to do next.

Going to the club house was a huge mistake, it was beginning to remind me of all my bad decisions. My house was just that, a house not a home, never a home, and has been tainted by Wendy. I swear I would burn it to the ground if I had any other place to take Able when he gets well. Going to my mother's isn't an option, it would just mean a lot of explaining. Tara is where I want to be, she is my home and always has been, but I messed that up. I doubt she has any forgiveness left in her for me and I don't blame her. So I went to the last place I could think of, a place that strangely brings me comfort.

Putting my hand on my father's tombstone I said "hey dad I need you so much right now. I need your guidance, I have fucked up my life and hurt people I love in the process. I wish with all my heart that you were still alive or had left me some kind of handbook to deal with this life. Not just the club life but actual life. I truly believe I have destroyed the most amazing love I've ever had, and will ever have. I also have a son dad, he's beautiful and this amazing women saved him. Yet I'm no good for either of them, they are all I want, but I'm no good. What do I do dad, how do I fix this?" I sat at my father's grave hoping for an answer allowing sleep to come over me.

"Shit", being woken up from the best dream I've ever had about Tara, and I've had a lot of dreams about her, was definitely not a welcomed intrusion. Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I was momentarily confused as to my surroundings. The sun was just starting to come up and I realized I was still at my father's grave. My phone, still ringing non-stop, was aggravating the fuck out of me. I quickly snapped it open, just knowing it would be Clay. "Clay, what is so important you need to be calling me this early!?" I said with plenty of irritation. "Mr. Teller?" It wasn't Clay, it was a nurse from the hospital. She went on to tell me that Able had had a really rough night. I didn't even let her finish, I snapped my phone closed and jumped on my bike.

On the way to the hospital I thought and prayed that Able is, and would be ok. I cursed Wendy again for being such a cranked out whore, God I hate her right now. I cursed myself out for also letting my son down, I should have protected him while Wendy was pregnant with him; I should have been at the hospital with him. My next thought though, was I would most likely see Tara. She's an amazing person, and even though I hurt her she would still want to help Able. She already felt like more of a mother to him then Wendy. Jesus, I look like shit, she's probably going to think I drank and fucked someone else all night. Get your head on Jax, make sure your son is ok first and then come hell or high water fix this with Tara.

When I reached the hospital, I was met by my mother and Margaret Murphey, Tara's boss. Margaret filled me in on what had been happening and what was being done now. She told me she had spoken with Dr. Nameid and he was stuck in surgery so she has paged Dr. Knowles. As Margaret spoke, I saw Tara coming through the front doors. The wind was completely knocked out of me as I looked her over. I know her too well, I could tell that she had been up most of the night crying, even though she tried to hide it with make-up. I knew I did that to her, I caused her to feel and look this way.

My heart hurt so bad seeing her, knowing I should have gone back to her last night. I tried to stay in the background a bit as Margaret spoke to her. I was afraid to see the mix of emotions in her eyes, I certainly didn't want her to get a good look at me and think the worst. But what made my heart stop, I swear I thought I was going to have an actual heart attack, was when she called me Mr. Teller. Never, unless she was being playful, has she ever called me that. She was cold and detached, did I really destroy every hope for us? When I reached for her and she flinched from my touch, I saw it, the walls going up. I swear at that very moment all I could feel was my heart stopping, starting and completely breaking.

A/N I was extremely overwhelmed by the wonderful reviews I was not expecting that, Thank you. Obviously this isn't going to be a really long story as it will probably take place over a few days. I have the next few chapters written out but not typed or edited yet, but then I'm stuck as to where I want to go. That's why reviews are always wonderful and helpful. I know the ending, just haven't written it yet so I have my work cut out for me. I'm totally biting my nails on this chapter, I had so many ways I wanted to go with it. I know it's a bit heavy hearted, but I promise this is a J/T HEA. All the seasons I watched the show it always amazed me at their poor communication skills, I guess that's what's coming out in this story. Anyway, I hope you enjoy….


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer- I own none of these characters, I give nothing but kudos to Kurt Sutter for his genius

She Said Yes

Gemma's POV

"What the hell?" Have I entered the Twilight Zone or some shit? Tara hasn't called me Mrs. Anything since the one time I met her when she was 16. But even that aside, the most absolutely crazy thing is her calling Jax Mr. Teller, what the fuck was that? My son must have fucked up and fucked up big time. Jesus this is not the time for him to be thinking with his dick. His son, my grandson is sick and needs Tara more than ever.

I can't believe I'm saying this, I know I've always had a, well let's just say, rocky relationship with Tara. When I first met Tara she was only 16. I saw her as no threat to my Jackson, definitely not to his place in the club. I actually liked her a lot, I thought her and Jax were really cute together. I think it was about 6 months into their relationship when I felt the shift. All of a sudden Jax had to be with her every second and it was like he couldn't concentrate on anything until he was.

That started to scare me, I knew how bad for the club that could be. Jax was meant to take over the club, it was his destiny. I knew now I needed to start pressing Tara a bit more. I needed to see where her loyalties were, if she was old lady material or if she would become a problem. I started insisting she come around more often weather it was to family dinners or club parties that included croweaters.

It was at one of the family dinners that I noticed it, I realized my fear was from what I saw in Tara's eyes. She wasn't afraid of me or even the least bit intimidated by me. I knew then that she not only had what it takes to be an old lady but she had what it takes to replace me. That scared me, what would become of me? I had only ever been queen of the MC, could I just be an old lady?

I decided to slow down, they were still so young, this love would run its course. Jax could have any girl he wanted, once he grew bored he would move on. So let it be, biggest mistake of my life! I underestimated little Miss Tara Knowles. Over the next year her and Jax became even more inseperable, if that was possible. Jax started staying almost every night at her house, coming home only for shower's, clothes and an occasional meal. He would bring her to club parties but they stayed so close you almost couldn't tell where one began and the other ended. I tried to get them to part, even for just a few minutes but it always failed miserably. I would try to get Jax to do me favors but he would always bring Tara with him. A few times I would steal Tara away with some excuse of needing her help with something. Then I would send a croweater over to Jax to work her magic. Believing Jax being a healthy red-blooded 17 year old would take the bait and Tara would see. The only thing that got me was a bloody croweater after Tara saw the girl push up on Jax. I'll admit I did take some pride in knowing she could handle herself, but it still increased my fear of losing my son.

After these attempts failed I started pushing Tara harder, which had an opposite affect also. She showed me she wasn't going anywhere and Jax, well he felt I was pushing him away. He told me if I didn't back off he would leave the club and him and Tara would leave Charming. The summer before they started their senior year I asked Tara what her future plans were. She said she had no idea and felt she had plenty of time to think about it. So I pressed her more, "you know Tara, you're a really smart girl. I would think you had thought about going off to college." "Again Gemma, I haven't given any thought to college or my future." But I saw it in her eyes, I could see there was a longing there, I still wasn't sure what for though so I pressed on.

"Do you see yourself staying in Charming being Jax Tellers old lady, you know this is his life right? Do you know what being an old lady entails, are you prepared for that? You do know that when they go on runs they can be gone for days even weeks at a time and what happens on a run stays on a run? Can you handle sharing him not only with the club but with other women?" "I trust Jax Gemma, he would never sleep with anyone else, he loves me more then anything." But not more than the club sweetheart. We are and have always been his family since birth, you honestly believe YOU trump that?"

"I love you Tara, I honestly do and I just want what's best for you. If you truly believe this is the life for you I will help you prepare. But if you have any doubts or think for a second you will cause my son to doubt, then you and me, we have a huge problem. Jax doubting, could get him killed, is that something you could live with? Give it some thought baby." I walked away from her, then headed right to see Clay. I needed to convince him to let Jax prospect now, get him deeper in the club. The sooner Jax was in the sooner we could seal his legacy.

But back to the present crisis at hand, no matter my feelings for Tara we need her right now. I could just smack Jax upside his head for whatever he did to cause this. He better fix it for Able's sake. I'm sure Tara is an amazing doctor and can act professional either way but I don't want to take any chances where my grandson is concerned. He has already suffered so much and I only want the best for him. I just need Tara to do her damn job then she can be on her way, I hope its sooner rather than later. Nothing good can come from her hanging around in Charming too long.


End file.
